Stickshifts and Safetybelts

I have a theory that when it comes to driving, your quality of car should be directly proportionate to your quality of driving. People who are really good drivers, who not only obey the law, but do not intentionally anger other drivers get the Bentleys, Hummers, Benz’s and classic Corvettes. Those who are average drivers, those who do not cause too much tension, anger, or danger on the road should get your mid-size, mid-level cars – Hondas, Toyotas, etc. Those people who would be considered poor drivers are those who like to put on their make-up while driving, who can’t park without multiple attempts, and who can’t obey the speed “limits” within an appropriate +/- margin of error – those people get the 1992 Ford Explorers and the 1987 Buick LeSabres. Imbecilic drivers get the Pinto and any other car that combusts either spontaneous or otherwise.

If not directly proportionate, the car/driver ration should be at least inversely proportionate. I do have certain moral dilemmas with that situation, i.e. the random slow car in the fast lane should not be a corvette, and if you cannot back out of a parking space at Wal-mart in one try, then you should not be driving the BMW in the first place. But if I’m petitioning for any kind of direct correlation at all, I probably can’t be too picky about the exact workings of said correlation.

Back to the point, the need for a direct correlation between quality of car and quality of driver is so you know who you want to be behind on the highway and which idiot is going to make you want to cuss at the next red light. I think that a system like this one who lower the blood pressure of most of the greater DC area. Of course, you have your vehicles that do not really come in “classes” such as transport vans, school buses, etc. Those drivers would be allocated a number based on a standardized rating system and their driving proficiency and they would be required to place their removable magnet on the back of the van when they were driving. That way you would know if the driver of the van in the next lane was likely to cut you off in a misguided attempt to kill you or not.

Alas, the world is not perfect and this is not how the world works. Instead, the world of car and driver is a bell curve. With either extreme in car quality being the lowest in regards for quality of driver and those mid-range, mid-size cars having the “best” drivers. I think this is related to financial situation. If you have a really nice car you probably feel “entitled” and therefore drive like you own the world and are the most important person and that you need to be at your meeting before anyone else. If you drive a particularly crappy car, you probably did not spend much money on it and feel that the car is worth about $300, so it does not really matter if you cut off Jane Doe, because if she hits you, you might get a new car. The people with the mid-size, mid-range cars probably have at least some financial investment in them and have a feeling of responsibility and try, hopefully, to preserve the quality of their investment by driving safely. This theory of investment does not really work with mini-vans. If you have a mini-van, you probably have kids and one would think that kids are important and that you would want to drive safely in order to protect your children. Nevertheless, I have found that mini-vans are often the most unpredictable type of vehicle when met on a suburb street.

So ends my very own facile theory about driving, car quality, and idiots.