Grace is gone

All distinguished ladies posses an element of grace. Jackie-O...graceful; Princess Di...graceful; Catherine the Great...graceful; J.Mo...not graceful. I’m Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality– I have not a drop of gracefulness about me. Some would say I’m uncoordinated and others would say I can’t multi-task (like chew gum and walk at the same time). Bottom line: If I were easily embarrassed, I would be embarrassed most of the time.

Something is wrong when your nickname is “Grace” because you have none. When you are described something as positive as grace out of irony – you need help.

Harding used to have chains that ran along the edge of the front lawn. When you were late for chapel, which for me was almost every day, you would cut across the grass, which meant stepping over the chain. I cannot tell you how many times I would step over and then catch my back foot on the chain, causing me to come crashing down in all my glory. I never wore a skirt to chapel because of that stupid chain.

The chain was not the only dreaded part of the chapel experience. There was a veritable obstacle course of disasters-in-waiting between my dorm room and my chapel seat. Freshmen have to sit in the balcony at Harding, and the three huge flights of stairs up to the balcony were an accident waiting to happen. I only tripped on them once or twice. The most harrowing part of the chapel experience was the steps to my seat. I had to walk across the very front of the balcony, and then about halfway up the front section to get to my seat. For those of you who have never been to the Benson at Harding, the steps in the balcony alternate between wide and skinny. Whoever thought that was a good idea needs to be shot. The same scenario played out about once a week – Someone would say hi, I would turn around for a quick hello and then turn around to head to my seat. I would always think I was on a wide-step but really be on a skinny one and catch my toe on the next step – tripping in front of about 1000 freshman. The first couple of times people were scared to laugh (feeling sorry for me I guess), but once they figured out this was a regular feature in the chapel line up that all changed.

I thought I had outgrown my clumsiness, or gained some grace in the past couple of years. I went almost a whole semester at ACU without tripping on any stairs or when walking or anything…then I moved up here. There is something about the front steps of my house that bring out the worst in my walking abilities. I tripped on my front steps twice yesterday. Yeah, I fell up the same set of stairs twice in one 24-hour period. The first time I was coming home from Target, and the second time I had just got home from a Foo Fighters/Weezer concert that rocked my face off.

While I’m not easily embarrassed, it’s nice to know that other people suffer the same disability that I do. Please tell me that I am not alone, and that you do completely stupid and sometimes humiliating stuff like this.